


Surefire Methods

by parsnips (trifles)



Series: Tales of Love, Loss, and Insurance [6]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Gen, Humor, Insurance, Post-Movie(s), Team Dynamics, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-25
Updated: 2015-02-25
Packaged: 2018-03-15 01:25:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3432917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trifles/pseuds/parsnips
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Now that Bucky's gone beyond Steve, and beyond trolling for that matter, it's only a matter of time before everyone else catches on.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Surefire Methods

**Author's Note:**

> This is the world of [insurance-Bucky](http://triflesandparsnips.tumblr.com/tagged/fic:insurance!bucky). These are his stories.

Bucky doesn’t really play well with others.

Like, he’ll talk plenty in front of Steve. Steve knows that Bucky is pretty on top of things and only sometimes a complete asshole.

Everybody else, though? They’re not Steve. Bucky feels no urge to correct any ideas they may have about him and his creepy affect, because brother, he has _earned_ his creepy affect.

Except they notice after a while that there is a really surefire way to get him to say something. Maybe not a lot, or anything they really want to hear, but it works almost one hundred percent of the time.

It’s Clint who really clues everybody else in first. _"The plan that covers the person claiming benefits other than as a dependent will determine benefits before those of the plan that covers the person as a dependent,"_ he reads. He scowls down at the paperwork spread out on the coffee table in front of him. “What does that even mean?”

"If two plans cover you, and one of them belongs to somebody who can claim you as a dependent on their taxes, your plan covers you before their plan does."

Everybody except Steve slowly turns their heads to look toward the far corner. Bucky is cleaning a very large gun, which probably he shouldn’t actually have, and he’s just said more words in the last five seconds than he has in the last week.

It’s like a lightbulb turns on simultaneously above everybody’s heads.

A few days later the Widow happens to mention Peggy Carter’s long term care when she and Steve come back from picking up take-out. Bucky materializes out of a bedroom doorway and starts asking penetrating questions about the number of days she’s been in care, and whether she’d been insured for it or if it was government funded or what, jesus, Steve, you gotta keep track of these things, can’t let Carter slip through the cracks like that.

The next movie night Thor, who actually has no idea what’s going on in terms of American health care but is intrigued nonetheless, turns toward Bucky and asks in all seriousness if Bucky could explain, in detail, the purpose of and variety of coinsurances. Bucky, unblinkingly, does. The others look on in horror.

Finally Stark, who’s the biggest asshole about it, just wanders onto their floor one morning and loudly asks the air whether Stark Industries counts as a small business if it’s really just him powering all of R&D.

Bucky drops from the ceiling onto his head.

JARVIS records the ensuing explanation for posterity.


End file.
